As soon as Clean Teen Publishing sent me a contract I read through it about five times, made sure I understood everything, gathered my banking information for direct deposit, filled out my tax form, wrote a bio, found a head shot, drafted a back-cover synopsis, and compiled everything else the Chief Operating Officer wanted from me.

And then I saw that they wanted a voided check to “confirm” the bank account and routing number I put down on my direct deposit form.

I’ve never had an employer of any kind ask for a voided check. I’m sure there’s logic behind it, but I can’t imagine why they won’t just take me at my word and trust that I know my own bank account number and can figure out what my routing number is? I wouldn’t even mention it, but the problem is, I don’t have checks.

I went to get some from my bank, but when I realized how long it would take them to print them and then mail them to me, I realized it would be easier just to have my dear mother raid my dresser back in my parents’ house for the old book of checks I got three years ago.

See, checks are for people who pay bills. And bills are for people who have regular, monthly incomes and stable residencies. I haven’t needed to pay a bill since my apartment in Bellingham. Since then, I haven’t been anywhere long enough to worry about cable or internet, and I’ve never lived in a place long enough that I didn’t give my entire rent up front in cash or a PayPal transaction. And of course I don’t have a credit card…HA! You think anybody is going to give a freelance writer a credit card? I tried to apply for one of those “secured” credit cards that has a $500 limit because I friggin’ leave $500 with them…but my bank wouldn’t even do that for me.

So long story short, I’m waiting on a voided check of mine mailed to me by my mother to my place in Portland so I can send it to some people in Texas and they can say “Yep, that’s her account number!”

It’s a little maddening, especially considering how excited I am! I am just raring to go over here, dying to dive into publishing and discussions and editing and promotion plans…and instead I’m just checking the mailbox twice a day like an idiot and wishing that the postal service worked a little bit faster.

In the meantime, I’m giving The Neverland Wars one last read-through in order to revel in it and correct a few inconsistencies, seeing as though I haven’t read it cover-to-cover since I independently edited all the different parts. I’m really proud of this piece, and so happy I’m going to have a chance to share it with the world.