21 Years Sober

21 was a significant number for me yesterday. It was the 21st day of the lunar cycle, 21 days until my boyfriend returns home from England, and my 21st birthday.

There’s a lot of pressure to make turning twenty-one really big and exciting, however, when you don’t drink, you have to get creative. Before you write me off as a total prude, I know I have other substance abuse issues, and a few too many alcoholics in my gene pool for comfort. Based on the way in which I’ve used other things to blot out reality and dilute my overbearing emotions, I’m pretty sure there’s no good conceivable outcome for Audrey + alcohol. So, given that this is “the last milestone” before thirty or retirement or renting a car at 25 or WHATEVER, I decided to have the best party within my power

I made my favorite red-velvet-and-jelly-beans cake. You can’t quite see how I marbled the buttercream frosting with food coloring, but that’s because it’s covered in jelly beans…and, at the end of the day, “smothered in candy” is better than “aesthetically pleasing.” That BAD ASS GANG SIGN I am flashing you is actually 10101…otherwise known as “21” in binary. I’m not going to have another palindromic binary birthday until I’m 27…and after that, the palindromes stop fitting on your hand. Living it up to the max.


(The cupcakes came out pitifully because I baked jellybeans into them, undercooked them, and ran out of frosting, so I just iced AUDREY JOY 21 on them. They were delicious.)

My parents didn’t want to hang around for a noisy pizza party, so they went out for dinner. Mom, doll that she is, offered to buy the pizza so she left her credit card. How many parents, knowing full well that their kid is going to have a party, leave them alone in the house on their 21st birthday with a credit card? XD


Fake flowers, streamers, noise makers, plastic colored table cloths, toy crowns, and balloons were all involved. The blazing inferno on top of my cake is burning with the strength of a thousand cries of, “just grow up for Pete’s sake!” I toyed with doing the candles in binary too…putting five on and only lighting three. That seemed like cheating though. It was impossible to blow out all the candles in one breath, especially when I was too busy giggling.


Never underestimate the ability of balloons to entertain young adults.


I left washable markers and drawing paper out on the table which was well utilized. After a rousing game of apples to apples, I got this tattoo. She couldn’t fit a tiger AND a scorpion in the heart, so we had to settle for a “tipion.” I was also given war paint, which has not yet washed off despite two showers and a lot of cold cream. If anyone asks when I go out tonight, I can blame it on the kids I usually nanny…not the people my age who covered me in allegedly washable marker drawings at my own request.

So yeah. I had a fantastic birthday. And someone even gave me a flash drive shaped like a frog. What more could I ask for? I’m not even hungover today 😀

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